Are you feeling that you are losing yourself in the relationship which you are in? Do you want to take control in the relationship and have some sense of identity and independence again? Are you with a man who is a little overbearing and are you needing to get control again? If so here are three steps which can put you back in the driver's seat...
First, you have to limit his access to you a little bit. Controlling people draw much of their power by being constantly in your life. This is not good even in a healthy relationship and it is going to cause you to resent the control which he has over you. Take some time for yourself, find a hobby or something and give yourself the space to evaluate your feelings for him.
Second, take some responsibility away from him. If you are in a controlling relationship it is partly because you have gotten used to making someone else responsible for you. Make it a habit to start making decision which you would normally defer to him. This means no more "Whatever you want to do". You are not being considerate when you do this. You are handing him too much control.
Third, develop a few boundary statements for both yourself and him. In other words, you may have to verbally remind him what is your choice and responsibility and what is his. Not because he does not know already, but because you have let the relationship become about him and not about both of you. Take responsibility for where you have given him too much control and start working on respectful but firm ways to remind him of where his boundaries are.
Finally, exercise your no muscle. In fact, you may have to do this in your other relationships as well. Why? Because if you are in a romantic relationship where you are losing control chances are you have at least a few other relationships which are the same way. Take control of your relationships by taking control of all of them and developing the habit of being in charge of your life.
By Tina L. Jones
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